Cerulean Dreams

Jeremy coughed lightly before rolling over and placing a small kiss on the side of my neck. “Morning.” His morning voice should be illegal. I merely groaned and rolled onto my stomach and he laughed before slapping my rump and rolling out of the bed. “I’m going to order some pizza.” And he headed out of my small room and into the everything else room.

I summoned up the energy to get dressed eventually, well, somewhat. I more just slipped into my pajamas and checked to see if I had any emails from my Agent. I must have lost track of time because it seemed like only moments later Jeremy was back with a plate of pizza for me. “Thank you so much, Jere.” I mumbled and quickly took a rather unladylike bite of a piece. He grinned and sat down on the bed next to me and adjusted his suit.

“So, do you want to talk about last night or what this was… Or..?” He raised an eyebrow at me as I looked at him wide-eyed and quickly shook my head at him, cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk. “Thought so.” Lowering his eyes to his hands he adjusts his cuff links silently. “I’m going to be on a tour for a while, starting tomorrow.” I just stared at him, at a loss for words. “I’ll be back later this evening, so don’t plan on sleeping.” He said without a smile. He got up and headed out the door. “Pizza’s in the fridge.” I could hear him shout on his way out.


6 Months Later

I shifted in my seat as I looked up at the clear blue sky. I was eating pizza alone, and my breasts had gotten huge. I sighed and nibbled on the crust. I won’t lie, I got a bit over enthusiastic when Jeremy had stopped by before he left for his tour, which feels like forever ago.

He had stumbled in the door, exhausted, but he slept with me anyway. I was EXTREMELY disappointed and let him know it. I guess it’s his competitive side, but he really didn’t let me sleep after that, but it had been so worth it at the time. But now I’m pregnant and he’s going to be back in town this afternoon… I don’t think I can avoid him.

“Wow, you expanded the place a little bit. Can’t believe it, Miss Whitefeather bought a television. Were you really that bored because I wasn’t here to entertain you?” Jeremy flopped himself down on the couch and made himself comfortable.

I bit my lip and walked into the bathroom to wash my face, the pregnancy was really wearing on me, but it could have been worse, I suppose. “Jeremy…” I started carefully once I had turned off the faucet. “Do you think I look different?” I heard the tv turn off and he stepped into the bathroom to look at me through the small mirror.

“Yeah… You look pregnant, Hania.” I broke out in a huge smile until I realized he looked annoyed. “Who knocked you up? Your agent?” My mouth dropped open, how could he honestly believe that…

“The hell, Jeremy… Why would you even think something like that?!” My voice broke slightly with emotion. Great Mother have mercy on me, I think I’m going to kill him. He just gave me a look.

“The industry is tough.” He growled, “It’s not like I haven’t done stuff I’m not proud of either, albeit, I didn’t knock someone up… but still.”

“For a genius, you’re the biggest idiot I know!” I screamed at him before hurling into the toilet, the irony making me physically ill. He started to rub my back and I slapped him as hard as I could, “Don’t you EVER, touch me again!” His hand dropped the second the words left my mouth, and I haven’t seen his eyes look so cold before.

“No one’s perfect, Hania. The sooner you get that through your skull, the sooner you can be happy.” I pointed a trembling, puke covered finger at the door. He inclined his head towards me and walked out, my paintings rattled on the walls with the sheer force that he slammed the door with.

I won’t lie… I cried. I cried until I passed out on the bathroom floor in my own puke. For the first time in my life, I experienced fear.


A Little Over 2 Months Later

I guess I turned out to be the idiot. Jeremy hadn’t spoken to me since that day, but he was the first person I called when I went into labor. People crave a sense of familiarity in moments like this.

I’m not sure who was more surprised when he showed up between the two of us, but he drove me to the hospital, and just talked about everything and nothing. It was so sweet I almost told him a handful of times. But.. I think what held me back was the fact that he was at such an important stage of his career. I had my anonymity to fall back on, but he didn’t. I suppose he didn’t deserve my consideration, after all, he basically called me a sell out whore.

I had so many things going through my head during the car ride, in the hospital, even during birth. I had to do what would be best for all of us.

And for little Catori, I think she’ll be strong enough to grow up without knowing who her father was. I could handle taking care of her financially… Probably.

“What’s it mean?” Jeremy asked, as he set down my things while I stared in awe at our daughter— no, my daughter.

“Spirit.” I answered. “Because I want her to be free to follow her dreams, and to be true to herself.” He placed a soft kiss on my temple.

“That’s an absolutely perfect name.” He sort of held me for a bit before I pulled away when his hand slid down my back.

“I learned my lesson the first time. I’m not sleeping with someone who doesn’t respect me.” My voice perhaps had a little more venom than intended, but I was angry.

“Can’t you just forgive and forget? How long are you goin—” He muttered through a clenched jaw, though he cut himself off abruptly when he saw the look I gave him. Air whistled past his lips as he struggled to keep his anger in check.

“And I need you to babysit her for three days while I travel for work.” I added, since I had the upper hand in the conversation. He merely sighed.


“Hania, she’s fine. You don’t need to call every couple hours.” I tiredly croaked into the phone. I had spent hours composing, little Cat, that’s my nickname for Catori, she provided me endless inspiration. I had this weird sense of attachment to her.

“Jeremy!!! Are you even listening to me?!!!” Hania screeched through the phone. I winced and rubbed my ear.

“Yup, totally.” I grumbled.

“Then what’d I say?”

“Ummm… That you want to have hot passionate woohoo when you get back?” I improvised. She released a long sigh riddled with irritation.

“My flight will be delayed, and I’ll be arriving at ten pm.” I made a noise in the back of my throat so she’d know I heard her. We exchanged a few more pleasantries before I hung up and begun tidying up.

And that’s how I found Catori’s birth certificate. My name was scrawled on the father line. Why hadn’t she told me? I had to sit down, my head was reeling.


When I returned from my trip Jeremy seemed a bit… Different. He’d drop by to spend time with Catori, order pizza (I’m pretty sure that’s his version of cooking), and not proud to admit it, but he somehow wrangled his way into my bed. Again. I am not a smart woman, clearly.

“So, I’ve been thinking, we should probably be exclusive.” I raised an eyebrow at Jeremy, too tired to even scoff after the last bout of woohoo. “That look just oozes in confidence in my fidelity. Good talk.” He said and smacked my rear before taking me again. I honestly have no idea how my life ended up like this, you’d think a perfectionist would have more control over her life…

It was noon by the time I got out of bed, Jeremy had gotten up hours ago to take care of Catori before he left to his house to change for work. He may be over here twelve hours of the day, but he didn’t live here. And never will.

I began a portrait of what I thought she’d look like when she grows up. Hopefully she’ll have better luck in love than me. I focused on happy thoughts as I painted, hoping to fill it with good luck. ‘Cerulean Dreams’ I called it, it was a master piece. One painted with love.


6 thoughts on “Cerulean Dreams

  1. Hey! I decided to start over so it can be fresh because you’re back 😀 Just had to pause and say that I loved this chapter! I had forgotten all about this. I’m a sucker from drama 🙂


  2. Love this. I really enjoyed the switching back and forth of POVs. There was something really deep and meaningful about that.


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